My Dad's Eulogy: One Year Later...

“Quite a Party”

My Dad’s Eulogy

Gabriel S. Stokes

Thank you all so much for being here. I love and have always been honored and proud to introduce myself this way, my name is Gabriel Stokes, and Fred Stokes is my dad. My dad and I have been so close to each other over the years, and we got to be so close we could communicate and let each other know what we were thinking without even saying a word, and I know that he is looking down at us right now, and thinking “Geez, there are a lot of people here making a big fuss over me…”. Because my dad was the most humble and modest man I’ve ever known. He wouldn’t ever want anyone making a big deal about him, so I know he’s laughing somewhere, seeing all of us here today.

My dad loved to read, it didn’t matter what it was that he was reading, as long as he had a book in his hands. He especially loved western books, Louis L’Amour being his favorite author. As a matter of fact, he taught me how to read at a very early age, and I’ve always said that was one of the best blessings he has ever given me.

My dad also loved to do crossword puzzles. I was looking at one yesterday, and man, those things are hard! I don’t know how he did all of those as fast as he did. I even bought him a crossword dictionary one time, thinking he’d put it to good use, but I’m pretty sure it’s still at the Barbershop right now with a lot of dust on it. He never needed it.

That’s because my dad had a wide vocabulary and knew a lot of words, but there is one word that I don’t think ever crossed his vocabulary.

Me.

My dad was never one that was out for himself. He put others before and above himself always. Over the past week people have come up to me, wanting to tell me stories about my dad, and one of the common threads that kept coming up was, how if ever anyone needed something, they could always go to my dad. I remember as a kid, sitting with him at the Barbershop, sometimes, after working all day long, before we would go home, he would sometimes make a house call. Sometimes, one of his customers would become disabled or too old to leave their house, so my dad would go to their house, and cut their hair. For free. To me, my dad and all of his acts of love and giving to others fits the perfect example of what Christ calls us to be, servant leaders.

The Bible talks about being a servant leader in Mark, Chapter 10, verses 42-45. Christ is talking to His Disciples and says to them “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles dominate them, and their men of high positions exercise power over them. ⁴³ But it must not be like that among you. On the contrary, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, ⁴⁴ and whoever wants to be first among you must be a slave to all. ⁴⁵ For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life—a ransom for many.” I think that verse perfectly describes the way my dad lived his life.

There are so many stories and memories that I have with my dad, and this past week I have been trying to think of all of them, trying to remember every detail, every time we went to lunch, every conversation we had, every piece of great wisdom and advice he gave to me, and I have a few stories I’d like to share today.

One of my favorite times, was when my dad and I decided to learn to play the guitar. A couple here at the church, The Siltmans, decided to offer guitar lessons to the entire congregation. My dad had always wanted to learn to play the guitar, and even as a young kid, I realized the potential playing the guitar had for getting all the cute girls to notice me, so we started taking guitar lessons. After about six months of these weekly lessons, it came time for our first ‘gig’. We were going to play Christmas Carols for the residents of a local nursing home. As we were setting up and getting ready to play, my dad got soooo nervous at the thought of playing in front of a crowd, and he began to inch his chair closer and closer to mine, until finally his chair was touching mine and he could scoot no closer. Then he looks over at me, with that big cheesy grin, and says “Bub, I’m gonna sit extra close to you, and I want you to play your guitar extra loud, so that way, everyone will think I’m playing too!”. To this day, I still play my guitar extra loud, so that everyone will know that my dad is sitting next to me, playing his guitar too.

Another time was two summers ago, when we made a family trip to Canada. One of the stops that we made was Pikes Peak, in Colorado Springs, Colorado. If you’ve never been to Pikes Peak, the drive up this mountain takes you 14, 110 feet skyward over twelve miles of unpaved roads, with no guardrails. My dad had driven up Pikes Peak several times, and wanted me to be able to say I too had driven up it. The drive was a great experience for me, because even though I couldn’t look out the windows to see the scenery because I was concentrating on the road, I could hear my dad in the seat next to me, ooo-hing and ah-ing. I was able to give my dad the gift of seeing the beautiful view of the scenery, for the first time. Once we made it to the top, I was looking out from the top of the mountain, and it is truly a breathtaking view. It’s even been said that from the top of Pikes Peak, on a clear day, you can see as far as the surrounding four states. My dad came up and stood beside me, and after a few minutes of silence, he said “You know, it would be impossible for someone to come up here, see this view, and how beautiful it is, and not believe in God”. My father had a love for God that runs so deep, it is in his very core, it is in his very being, and now finally, he gets to see the glory of God as it was intended to be seen.

If you’ll look on the inside of your bulletin, you’ll see a Latin quote. People have already been asking me about it and what it means, and I promised to explain it today.

As I mentioned earlier, my dad loved to read, and he passed that onto me. Our favorite book, and movie, has always been Lonesome Dove. Lonesome Dove is the story of two retired Texas Rangers and lifelong best friends, living in the old west, who decide to trail a herd of cattle from Texas to Montana. The two main characters of Lonesome Dove are Augustus McCrae, and Woodrow F. Call. Augustus is a bit of a joker who loves to laugh and be happy, very much like my dad. Augustus, or Gus, also considers himself to be something of an educated man, and writes a sign for their company on an old table he found. At the bottom of the sign, he prints the words “Uva Uvam, Vivendo Varia Fit”.

What that is, is an old Latin phrase, used to describe grapes. You see when one grape is ripe and sweet, it makes all of the grapes surrounding it sweeter. That’s my dad. Through his life, all of us who were lucky enough to know him were made sweeter, and better, just for being around him.

Towards the end of the story of Lonesome Dove, Augustus is shot in the leg with poisoned arrows as he is on a scouting trip ahead of the main group. Gus somehow manages to make it to a small town, where he begins to die of gangrene from the arrows in his leg. After traveling quickly to find Gus, Woodrow finds him lying in bed, close to death. As they sit there talking, Gus begins to fade quickly and Woodrow lays his hand on Gus’s chest, and holds his hand, and Gus looks up at Woodrow and whispers “My God, it’s been quite a party”.

About two years ago, my dad’s abdominal aorta ruptured, and we came very close to losing him. As we waited for the long surgery to be over, I went to the chapel in the hospital and began to pray. I began to pray for my dad to get better, for everything to be alright, for God to not take my dad away from me. But then I realized that there is a big difference in God taking my dad away, and receiving him. I then began to pray for God to be with the doctors and nurses and to guide their hands, and to be with my mom and make her strong, to be with my family, and lastly, to give me peace. I love telling this story, because as soon as I thought the word peace, I immediately felt peace. I felt a physical love and happiness and joy that I can only describe as when you’re walking outside, and it’s cold, and it’s raining and sleet is coming in sideways, and you open the door of your house and the heater is on inside full blast and you feel that warmth spread over every inch of you, making you feel instantly better. That physical feeling, that love and that joy that I felt that day, was the most beautiful and joyous thing I have ever felt in my life, and even though I only felt it for a split second, that was all I needed. I know now that that feeling of love, and happiness, and peace, is now what my dad gets to feel all the time. And I can only wait and pray for the day, hopefully years from now, when my mom, and my family and I get to sit with my dad, and feel that love and happiness again.

On Monday night, as my dad lay there, surrounded by his beautiful wife, his children, grandchildren, and friends, I laid my hand on his chest, held his hand, and whispered quietly into his ear “My God, it’s been quite a party”.